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Fruitport Mom Is Pretty Upset Over Christmas Song Lyrics

When I first read the headline on WZZM 13 I thought to myself, “Okay, the mom is probably overreacting to something.”  What could be so upsetting about Christmas song lyrics?   Well, once I got into the story a bit more I now happen to agree with her.

The song is a spoof on the Twelve Days Of Christmas.  It’s called the Twelve Days After Christmas. The thing that has this Fruitport mom, Stephanie Brauer, so upset is this song is included in the children Christmas Holiday performance.  Some of the lyrics from the song include: “Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge.” Another one says, “I pulled on rubber gloves and very gently wrung the necks of both turtle doves.”

For now the plan is to have Stephanie’s daughter stop singing the song during the choir practices and she will leave the stage when it’s time to sing the song during the concert in December.  If I had a child in this school, I would do the exact same thing!

If you’d like to take a look at the lyrics, here they are!

The Twelve Days After Christmas
(Frederick Silver)
(Not sung to the same tune as the other song!)

The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight.
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite.
Then, with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge,
That my true love, my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves,
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup;
I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup.
The four calling birds were a big mistake,
For their language was obscene .
The five gold rings were completely fake
And they turned my fingers gree.

The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn’t lay:
I gave the whole darn gaggle to the ASPCA.

On the seventh day what a mess I found:
All seven of the swimming swans had drowned,
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect,
I bundled up the . . .
Eight maids a-milking,
Nine pipers piping,
Ten ladies dancing,
‘Leven lords a-leaping,
Twelve drummers drumming
(spoken) Well, actually I kept one of the drummers(girls)
Well, actually I kept one of the maids a-milking(boys)

And sent them back collect.
I wrote my true love, “We are through, love”
And I said in so many words,
“Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!”
(echo of “four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.”

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