Michigan True Crime: The Case Of The Missing Ronald McDonald

Woodhaven Police were on the lookout for a tall, pale man with big red lips and giant floppy shoes. But thankfully, he has been found.

The iconic fast food figure was wiped off a bench in front of a restaurant in Woodhaven, south of Detroit earlier this week. But the manhunt ended happily.

Late last week, the plastic Ronald was a taken off his perch, probably by some teenagers gooped up on gop. An APB was immediately issued via the Police Department's Facebook page.

A tool was used by some tool to take Ronald. Why? Who knows? Maybe it was a werid cult that worships hamburgers, or the shifty Hamburglar himself (I hate that guy!).

At any rate, all is well in McDonaldland this morning, as big, dumb, plastic, seated Ronald is back overlooking the grassy area behind the restaurant again.

He was found by Sgt. Adam Ruffner, and returned home. No word on who did it or why. But he appears to be okay, and has returned to pimping out value meals.