Five Things We Can Use To Fill Grand Rapids Potholes
Driving down certain streets in Grand Rapids is more challenging than negotiating a Winter Olympics slalom course. (I'm looking at you, Diamond Avenue!)
But there are some things here in Beer City we can use to plug those ugly potholes right now.
1. The Pennies From The Winning ArtPrize entry
To this day, I'm baffled as to why a giant portrait of Abe Lincoln won the audience vote at ArtPrize. But now is the time for Honest Abe to pitch in and help us in our time of need. No one has purchased the artwork (because, really, where would you put it?), and it's composed of over 24,000 pennies, so why not use the pennies to start filling potholes?
2. HopCat Crack Fries
They made my midsection more substantial, so they could make the road more substantial as well. A well fed road is a smooth and happy road.
3. Leftover Hockey Pucks From The Griffins
Rubber is a proven road paving material, and it lasts longer than asphalt, so it makes perfect sense. Think of the cheers at VanAndel if the crowd knew that every biscuit the Griffs put in the basket would be helping to fill the worst potholes. A standing O every time!
4. Beer Bottles
This is Beer City USA and there are streets in this nation that have been paved with broken glass. So drink up, GR, every beer you down gets us one step closer to smooth streets!
5. Mud left behind from this year's flood.
As the rivers recede in the area, the mud left behind will be plentiful. Let's scoop that s*** up and fill potholes with it! "Oh, that won't last long," you say, "the road to hell is literally paved with mud!"
"It's better than driving over a crater," is my measured response.