Shane Gillis Roasts Michigan at ESPY Awards: What He Said

Last night Shane Gillis hosted the 2025 ESPY Awards.

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During his opening monologue he went after pretty much everyone with his jokes, some of which made the audience laugh, while others made them groan.

He even joked about Michigan and Ohio State.

I'll get into that one in just a second, but first let's take a look at some of the wild jokes that have everyone talking.

"Brittany Hicks" WNBA All-Star: He started by introducing "Brittany Hicks" as a four-time WNBA All-Star, getting applause, then revealed it was his friend's wife, joking that no one in the audience knew WNBA players.

Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old Girlfriend: Gillis made several jokes about Bill Belichick and his much younger girlfriend, Jordon Hudson. "A bookie is what Bill Belichick reads to his girlfriend before bedtime." He then listed fictitious book titles like "The Very Horny Caterpillar," "The Little Engine That Could But Needed a Pill First," and "Goodnight Boobs."

Caitlin Clark Waffle House Joke: One of the most talked about jokes was about Caitlin Clark, who was not present: "When Caitlin Clark retires from the WNBA, she's going to work at a Waffle House so she can continue doing what she loves most: fist-fighting Black women."

Donald Trump and UFC/Mike Pence: Gillis joked about Donald Trump's idea of staging a UFC fight on the White House lawn: "Donald Trump wants to stage a UFC fight on the White House lawn. The last time he staged a fight in D.C., Mike Pence almost died."

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Aaron Rodgers and the New York Jets: He made a jab at Aaron Rodgers: "Aaron Rodgers didn't take the vaccine because he predicted it would be bad for him... then he joined the New York Jets. So maybe he wasn't right about everything.

Shedeur Sanders Jersey Retirement: Gillis targeted Shedeur Sanders' jersey retirement at Colorado: "Shedeur Sanders had his jersey number retired at Colorado this year, and people are saying it's because of nepotism because of his father, and it's not. It's because he went 13-12 over his career and he almost won the Alamo Bowl. Definitely not nepotism right?"

Jeffrey Epstein Joke: Gillis alluded to the Jeffrey Epstein files, jokingly saying, "Actually, there was supposed to be an Epstein joke here but it must've been deleted. Actually, it probably deleted itself."

Simone Biles Leprechaun Joke: He joked about Simone Biles' height and numerous gold medals, likening her to a leprechaun: "Simone Biles is four foot eight and has seven gold medals. She's short and has a lot of gold. When she's not competing, she leads a quiet life at the base of a rainbow. It's a leprechaun joke. If you tell Simone a riddle and she can't answer it, she has to give you all of her gold medals.

Shane Gillis' Takes Jab At Michigan Football

Gillis also did a quick joke about Michigan and Ohio State.

I love Shane, but didn't find that joke very funny, and I'm a Spartan fan.

You can watch Shane Gillis' entire opening monologue below.