Hilarious and Brutally Honest EBay Ad Starts Bidding War

If you are looking for an immaculate, well maintained example of a Mercedes e320 CDI... you have come to the wrong place. If however, you are low on self esteem, with a strapped budget, but shooting for the stars, welcome to my auction. May I present to you, one of the finest feats in Germanic engineering politely modelled by my 'more to love' missus. As you can see from the photos this car has seen things... things it cannot forget. I have owned this car for 3 years, and up to then it had been lovingly cared for and maintained. Since owning the vehicle, it has been thrashed, raced, rallied, killed 3 deer, and the interior has been smashed up in a domestic, not to mention the time my wife booted the wing because I suggested she eat a salad or two. ( please refer to photo of foot next to dent for reference) The car was lovingly cleaned in preparation for the 2012 summer olympics, and may be in need of another one now. This car has been a dream, and only broken down twice. But since it has had new brake pads, discs, thermostat, front springs, all the fuel lines replaced, and i even put some water in the squishes. as for the bad bits... there are none... just kidding there are lots. The cd changer in the boot doesn't work, but the radio does ( we have already preset the channels to suit our clientelle)

The air conditioning isn't working, but the electric windows do, so bonus. The car smokes when you boot it hard.

The rear subframe bushes could probably do with being replaced...

The good bits. Boot is big enough for 2 small or 1 big person ( see pictures)

Car sale comes with complementary hostage.

This car is well admired and often stopped by members of her majesty's police, who give out FREE advice concerning your drinking habits and whether or not your tires need replaced. ( which is soon by the way)

Purchase of this vehicle will result in a severe rise in the number of looks of admiration you get in your local town centre, I would personally recommend wearing a large gold plated chain, a half open shirt, shaving ones head, and wearing 1 bottle of cologne at any given time to truly get desired female attention.

The stereo system is suited to playing Russian Techno, Polish house, Bulgarian dubsteb, Romanian hard house, and turkish trance at full volume, whilst not detracting from the over glamour of the birdshitted roof and rusty panels. Seriously now gentlemen. Ladies flock to this car. I'd like to say that I have customised the horn, but i haven't. It would be great if someone did. If you win this auction for a extra 50 pounds I will save you time, effort and eye watering hassle by telling you where i hid the sardines. This car in the limbo of being to good to break, and to bad to be fat and seen in. all questions welcomed. We do not accept food as payment, nor coupons for iceland. As for terms and conditions, we will happily airlift this car to any destination in west africa, should you be in the possession of a cheque which you have overpaid, we will happily send you the difference. If you are an overthrown prince, diplomat or sovereign who has 46,000,000 USD, but can't access it for lack of a processing fee, please call us straight away, as I have a team of lawyers waiting for my signal to help. Get back in touch buddy, i'm worried the troops got to you. As for real terms and conditions. The car is crap. If you want it come and buy it. I guarantee 100% this car will cause you trouble, and cost you money. Do not plan on coming to try and shake us down on the price, we KNOW EVERYTHING that is wrong with this this vehicle. WE have driven the thing for 40,000 miles. We wouldn't be selling it if it was any good whatsoever... it runs. be happy. SERIOUS BIDS ONLY. NO TIME WASTERS! The chubber in the photos can be negotiated, the kid in the boot goes with the car, this is non negotiable, he came with the car he stays with it.